your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
