Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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