I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am available for nakedness
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
