I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
