and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
