i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
