considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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