OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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