She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
