shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
