Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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