you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
