RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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