Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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