I hate your face
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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