my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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