You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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