Sry I called you an 8
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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