I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
