I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
