I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
