I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm jealous of your bromance
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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