If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
