i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
