What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
