My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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