I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
