she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
