I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
