We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
