My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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