Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
