I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
