Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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