if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He felt like a one man threesome
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my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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