your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
