I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
