Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
