hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
