Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
