Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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