i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
3pm strippers are depressing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
