my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
