go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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