he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize