I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
