i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
