Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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