I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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