People in love make me want to vomit
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
