i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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