TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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