I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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