I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
