his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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