Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
