Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
