I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
