You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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