After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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