Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
