So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
