She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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