I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am naked and annoyed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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