Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
