Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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