I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
