yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
