Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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