I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize