If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
