the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
