I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
