the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
