God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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