At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
