i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
