I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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