His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
