Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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