My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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