I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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